Lochlan, why?


you might have replied

“why not?”


i am not you

i do not know

the struggles

the demons

the terrors

you endured


i do not know

what kept you up

took you down

pulled you back

sent you spiraling


you chose this course

to end it all

the suffering

that your life contained


death and the unknown

outweighed life

and it’s known


i pray that

you are happy

i pray that you pain

has ended


i grieve for you

i grieve for your family

i grieve that their love

nor the world’s love

was not enough

to ease the pain

that crushed your soul

and took your life


the hole you leave

is immense

the darkness

your death created

unfathomable


many will reflect

upon your passing

for a long, long time

at odd moments

within silent thoughts


we will see your smile

your lightness

your youth

and think

of the things

you might have done

the love you would have shared

the happiness you

would have felt

if only your sadness

had not won


sleep softly dear, dear prince

you will be remembered

you will be longed for

you are missed.

Joseph Sawicki - I am the father of Joey, Lochlan's friend from Joffrey Ballet. I believe we met on several occasions, when the boys performed together. I am so heart broken about your loss and wish to offer my sincerest condolences.

Lochlan was an exceptional young man. The last time I had an opportunity to speak with Lochlan, a return Joffrey performance, I thanked him for being such a good friend and positive influence for my son. Joseph can be an anxious at times and from the very first day, Lochlan looked out for Joey and helped him. I remember very clearly taking his hand and expressing my gratitude. He was so gracious. I will never forget him.

Dear Fiona and Daniel, I was heartbroken to hear the news about Lochlan. When you talked about him Fiona you had such a light in your eyes. Your love for him shone through. I never met Lochlan but you conveyed his beautiful spirit to me. When you described his dancing I felt like I was seeing him dance. I send my deepest sympathy to you and Daniel and your family. If there is anything I can do, please reach out.

Daniel - please accept my profound condolences on the passing of your son. I am sending you and your family my love and warmest thoughts. Please feel free to be in touch if there's anything I, or your PR sound mixer family, can do.

Dear Lochlan, I never met you but wanted to write something here. I only knew about you from your postings on Instagram and what people wrote about you after your passing. Your postings were different and genuine from other dancer's accounts. I would be captivated by your practicing, leaping, jumping, spinning and working hard. Every now and then there would be a post in the dentist's chair or weekend breakfast with country music playing in the background. Mostly I saw you as a hard working artist, enthusiastic for perfection and documenting your progress. You would welcome anybody into your world that followed you. I looked forward to your posts and stories every time I checked Instagram. You once asked to follow me and I told you my posts were not as exciting or interesting as yours. But you still wrote that you wanted to know who I was. We had a brief exchange of comments when I told you I saw you perform at the Morgan. I still have the program as a personal memorial to you. My heart is so heavy and I cannot explain why I still shed so many tears for someone I never met. My deepest condolences to your family and friends who knew you so well. I will always be your fan. I will miss you and your posts. But most of all you touched my life in a way that still mystifies me and I will never forget you.
Lovingly, your devoted fan in the crowd.
Robert-Kristoffer Haynes

Dear Fiona & Daniel, I am devastated to hear about this. Lochlan was such a sweet and nice young boy and I loved him! All the memories of him are flooding my thoughts continuously from the moment I heard this that its so painful. We all going to the park to collect leaves, Diwali parties, he showing me his trumpet skills...there are so many priceless moments. My thoughts are with you all.