That he loved you all very much. His illness made it difficult to maintain healthy relationships, but he wanted those relationships more than anything. He missed his friends a lot, but was looking forward to having new experiences where he could make new friends as well - which is why this whole thing is so maddening and heartbreaking and sad. I know it was not him who decided to take this action, but his disease - and please know that if he ever said or acted in a way that hurt you or confused you, it was his disease, not him, and at his core, he just wanted to be your fun, kind, generous, loving friend.