francesca4
Hi Guys! I am sharing my eulogy from our 2/12/21 Wurtsboro mass to share with those who weren't able to attend:
Just this year Grandpa was telling me how when he was first dating our Grandma, she used to meet him at the piers during their lunch to swap sandwiches and get to know each other. Fast forward 70 years and our Grandma is that same woman - I can’t think of a better way to describe her than to say she was the best company, especially for a meal.
Grandma was mellow. Sure she would shriek in reaction now and then , aghast at the ludicrousness of our youth, our messes, our tantrums, our narcissism - but she never adopted these behaviors. Calm. Supportive. Patient and forgiving. Clearly recessive hereditary traits.
What We share about our Grandma was we all saw the warm yellow rays of love and roses and birds — with houses to retire to - that seemed to radiate from her blonde curls and big cheeks.
Lying in the living room both reading our respective mysteries,
carving bars of Dove Soap on the porch as an activity
being sent to tickle Grandpa’s toes in the morning to wake him up - her watching, smiling from the doorway.
Picking bees out of squash flowers,
“borrowing” her perfumes
learning to type,
learning to swim with destinations of Table Rock and DeLizza Rock, as you grew braver.
Boat rides.
Sprinting out of the lake for tea time, meatball dinners, and nighttime trips to Stewart’s. As James kindly reminded us yesterday - her email password was literally “grandkids.”
Grandma taught us LOVE - the days we spent at holidays together, after school in Brooklyn, at the lake and in the lake - were all about doing everything she could for us as individuals and absolutely more importantly in her book— as a unit.
In hindsight this was the key to Grandma’s brilliance. She grew our family - 5 kids near and far, dissimilar and alike, hot-headed and humorous - and instead of dismissing it as a ticket of the times, she then rose to the challenge of supporting this unit and met it with absolute joy willingness, and as my Father would say - with the German half of her.
I will always remember the vantage point of sitting in her lap as we looked at her “Grandchildren” bracelet. For those who are not familiar - she had a dainty little rhinestone bracelet with a birthstone, in chronological order, of her 12 grand children. And not only did she explain this once or twice - but she would make us sit there and recite our cousins and their birthdays, in order. Learning. The trunk. Upstairs, with her wedding dress, our parents’ little decomposing communion gowns — tactile pieces of our group history that facilitated our memorization, exploration and imagination of the DeLizzas. Her fridge, a very frequently used commodity- only contested by the freezer...or dare I mention - “the mailbox”) her fridge, was covered in momentos from Texas, California, Italia, not-New-Jersey-but cute photos of Sam and Mike too - all of these keepsakes that told us —- this is our family. I make the effort to go to every christening, graduation, every wedding - because we share so much, and we have so much fun together, and there are no people in your life who can ever take away our bonds.
To my cousins near and far: I trust we will never learn the delicacy of a 70 year marriage or the bright idea to pop out five alpha children. But none of us would be nearly as kind, nearly as patient, nearly as nostalgic, romantic, and we would be totally lost in the art of making a Lasagna. But perhaps, we can maintain the unselfishness, the flexibility, the RESILIENCE, to keep gathering even when it is us who must babysit, us who must cook, us who must fly, or us who must ring the porch bell for dinner.
Grandma is somewhere barefoot now. She is somewhere where she has access to every minute memory again. She is somewhere where Grandpa is quietly at work in his shop and Rush Limbaugh never existed. She is in the backseat of the Blue Volvo with us, and it is always June. She is devouring Agatha Christie, wearing a brooch, cooking a Turkey, James is quiet in church, the dock is already in, someone’s at the screen door, and she is leaving bread out on the rocks every.night. for the animals. She is somewhere where Texas, California, Chicago, Portland, Boston, Vermont, Baltimore, Orlando, Omaha, Ridgewood and Brooklyn, are all in her backyard. Maybe it’s Cinque Terre, maybe it’s San Francisco, maybe it’s Satellite Beach but probably —- today we are in Wurtsboro, right where she wants to be.
candace carponter
Beautiful, sweet girl.. I wish we could have all been there to hear you, to honor your special grandma , to give you a huge hug, or just for a few minutes, to lighten your load.. I hate that we are in a moment of time that prevents that , but know that we are still there with you, always .. xoxo
ldelizza
This is so beautiful. Thank you for composing such a perfect, warm, and 100% truthful reflection of Grandma Joan...❤️
